It’s All Scientifical!

A panel of prominent scientists and paleontologists have discovered new groundbreaking evidence that Jesus walked with dinosaurs! Also, Jesus had pale white skin with blonde hair and blue eyes and this endeared him to his pet Agilisaurus.

Wait for it: France is preparing its special forces for a mission in war-torn Syria, French weekly magazine Le Point reports. Others aren’t so sure it’s time for that. Cripes! Not again!

2016 presidential hopeful Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL) tried to walk back his statement to GQ Magazine that the Earth could have been “created in 7 days” but he wasn’t sure because “I’m not a scientist, man.” Wow, it’s almost like he’s torn between the nut-clusters and those that have a relationship with reality (as we know it)! Today, in an interview with Politico, he clarified his position to the opposite view. “There is no scientific debate on the age of the earth,” Rubio explained. “I mean, it’s established pretty definitively, it’s at least 4.5 billion years old.” Furthermore he stated his belief, no doubt heartfelt, that “I just think in America we should have the freedom to teach our children whatever it is we believe”… no matter how freaking schizophrenic, apparently. USA! USA! USA!

You mad, bro? The House voted on Wednesday to strike the word “lunatic” from all federal laws and only one lawmaker voted against the measure: Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas). It was unclear initially why the Tea Party favorite opposed the change, and a Gohmert spokeswoman did not return a request for comment. Here’s Gohmert opining on how oil pipelines help caribou have sex. He’s also said that the Affordable Care Act would result in GE having access to the Supreme Court’s health care records, and that Obama immigration policies are turning us into a “third world, corrupt country.

Good thing for Murdoch and the GOP that the FCC isn’t paying attention to any of this: secret Petraeus audio means Fox News is officially an arm of the GOP, Rachel Maddow explains. BUT AT LAST THERE IS A SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION!

Dinesh D’Souza is soooo mad that “2016” didn’t get an Academy Award nomination he could just spit! Yet another libtard conspiracy or a triumph of good taste?

‘Walking Dead’ fan shoots girlfriend who wouldn’t get serious about zombie attacks. Another mid-season hiatus related crime!

It’s just common sense!

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