That’s How I Roll (Sushi!)


Making, sharing and eating sushi is one of the pleasures left at my advanced age (besides sex, I’m not THAT old). I’m a self-taught, land-locked shushi bastard, inspired to make my own after becoming incensed at high prices and long waits at a local ‘classy’ sushi establishment. I mean, cripes, it’s rice, seaweed and some fillings, what could be simpler? I never mess with sprinkling roe all over the stuff, but sometimes I’ll finish an inside-out roll with sesame seeds. A sushi snob I’m not. Note the humble kitchen in the picture above. YouTube is just chock-full of how-to videos if you feel like following the sushi path to happiness.

The only tricky part (assuming you rolled joints back in college) is getting the rice prepared just right: not too sticky, not to clumpy, but just right. I’ve cooked short-grain rice in a pan and  a rice cooker, and I consider the rice cooker the more level path. There’s a reason Toshiba exists today, and that is the rice cooker. Using one is not cheating, it’s conserving effort to do other prep (‘Toil is Stupid’). If you make the rice the night before you don’t make yourself crazy, just let it get up to room temperature before you start slinging rolls. Two cups of dry rice tends to yield 6-8 rolls for me, just remember to rinse the hell out of the rice before cooking.

I tend to pre-position fillings on the left, the bowl of rice on the right and the bamboo mat in the middle. Fight the urge to put too much rice on the nori sheets and remember to keep your hands wet (I leave a trickle running in the sink during this part).  The rough side of the sheet should be facing up, but sometimes I make it face down (I’m a rebel like that) to mark the difference between a spicy tuna roll and a spicy tuna roll with jalapenos.


Cream cheese and avocado rolls are required as well. The local latino grocery chain (Las Americas) always has the best avocados at the best price, usually ripe and ready for eating. I stick the cream cheese in the freezer for a bit before slicing it with a dripping-wet knife for these rolls. My last batch had some added fresh cilantro leaves for fun.

To make spicy tuna rolls, I like to use “vacuum pouch” tuna , if only partly because a co-worker had an organ-transplant and needs very safe food (I also wash all the veggies in vinegar, just for his safety). Even before that happened I used to acid cook frozen tuna fillets in lemon or lime juice overnight in the fridge. Now I mix pouch-tuna with cayenne pepper, Sriracha, Tajin seasoning, ranch dressing and paprika (for extra color). I tend to get two rolls per small pouch, usually one “tame” one and one extra spicy (lengthwise jalapeño slices, op cit), both with match-stick carrots, green onions & etc.


Don’t be afraid to commit sushi heresy, either! Lots of folks are intimidated by the ‘raw fish’ mistique sushi carries. I try to subvert that by rolling up a few ham-cheese-pickle-mustard or hot dog-relish-cheese jobs for the company parties.

You have to realize that not everyone is open to the sushi experience (some just don’t like the texture of seaweed, for example). Even if a co-worker has to run to a trashcan to spit out their first bite of innocuous heretical sushi don’t be offended: rather, thank them for trying it. They took the first step and showed their bona fides, but it didn’t agree with them. What? You expect them to eat something they don’t like on your account?

Did an English monk walk in the Americas in the fourteenth century, a hundred and fifty years before Columbus sailed into the Caribbean? The answer is almost certainly yes.

Good news, everyone! The Discovery Channel and NHK will release the Kraken (video, anyway)! The giant squid has been captured on video in its natural habitat for the first time ever. This will surely outclass the “Al Capone’s Vault” thing Geraldo did before he sold out to Fox!

Our tax dollars reward exploiters companies like Wal-Mart for keeping its workers in poverty. See, there is pretty much only one way that a large employer can dodge the responsibility of insuring its workers, and that’s if their employees qualify for Medicaid. And just who is it that can guarantee their employees earn low enough wages to qualify for Medicaid? Why, the employer, isn’t that convenient?

Sen. Bob Corker (R-TN) conceded that Republicans should vote to increase taxes on the top 2%, because that will give them leverage to hold the debt ceiling hostage so they can REALLY shaft the least among us! So why does the GOP have such a hard-on to kill Social Security and Medicare? Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-OH) explains everything:

There has been a movement among conservative Republicans of a bit of a distaste for Social Security and Medicare. They’re public programs that are successful, and if it’s proven that these public programs are successful, it sort of undercuts their view that government can’t do anything right.

Sen. Lindsey O. Graham (R-S.C.) actually said “manning up” on FoxNews! “We’re not going to let Obama borrow any more money”? Actually, as Graham should know, raising the debt ceiling is about paying the bills for spending that’s already happened. And he thinks Social Security and Medicare are going bankrupt? No, actually they’re not.  ZOMG-GOP-LOL-ROFL all at once!

Gosh, just think of the fun you could have with one of these!


2 Responses to “That’s How I Roll (Sushi!)”

  1. Todd Roper Says:

    I want a Parrot AR drone myself.. but what about all those ruines down by Heavener?

    • offlogic Says:

      I keep thinking about a drone attack on some local bill collectors, and am waiting to read of the first robo-hits being performed.
      The Heavener Runestone is a lot better presented than the Spiro Mounds. Spiro is just a depressing joke: an actual slide-show inside a trailer and some very bad dioramas with an asphalt path connecting some pathetic exhibits outside. The actual mounds were trashed by treasure hunters prior to 1930, so almost none of the original Missisipian structure remains. Go to Cahokia in St. Louis instead, by all means!
      The runestone park is just nice and natural (that said, are all Oklahoma gift shops required to sell rubber-tipped spears?). Even if the runestone isn’t a Viking property marker for “Glome Valley” (one speculative translation), local oral history dates it to the first half of the 1800s, no later than 1900 to be sure. I am skeptical of most things, but this is an old inscription that doesn’t appear to be Amerindian in origin, and I haven’t heard any better explanation.

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