Meanwhile, Back at the Compound…

Under His unforgiving majesty Cthulhu, the Order of Dagon expanded more in 2012 than in any 12 months of its 180-year history!

Glenn Beck’s next big win: Walt Disney mixed and composted with Ayn Rand to produce a self-sustaining “city-theme park hybrid” that would reflect traditional American values. The mind boggles at the opportunity for real-estate fraud!Meanwhile, the competition is fierce for the wingnut dollar, with Alex Jones revealing the truth about Mr. Beck (while keeping it classy).

Fifty-seven countries on Monday urged the UN Security Council to ask the International Criminal Court at The Hague to investigate possible war crimes in Syria. This on the heels of reports of more cluster bomb use by the Assad Regime. Oh, and that “rapey” thing, too… yeah, there’s that.

At last! A species in crisis, and it ain’t Us this time: Pubic lice, those crab-shaped pests that have inhabited human groins since the beginning of history, are disappearing. No, it’s not climate change −  doctors say bikini waxing may be the reason. Slate has a future timeline of the life-cycle of ‘crab habitat recovery’ efforts.

I am now certain that “water cooler talk” just isn’t for me. I hear a lot of conspiracy theories lately about this ominous-sounding Agenda 21. This “Agenda” has been thrown into my face as if it proves some kind of wingnut ‘point’ re: the whole U.N./Librul/Homosexual/Communist/Alien Plot against their gun rights or something like that.  ObamaCare requires implanting a microchip Mark’o’the’Beast in our kids at birth, really? When I try to reassure them with calming talk like, “No, our sinister plans don’t require any satanic mutant pedophile dolphin shock-troops! Trust me!!!”, everyone just looks at you funny and you finally can’t keep a straight face anymore and start laughing until you about puke and then someone calls security… again!!!

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