Posts Tagged ‘conspiracy’

Oklahoma: Filling in the Blank

May 1, 2014

So why am I even here in Oklahoma? Why do I continue to live in a state that can’t even kill people on purpose cleanly, accept federal dollars to improve the health care provided to its citizens, resist electing the most extreme kind of dumb-asses the country has to offer, etc?

It’s simple: I was born here, my kids live here and if I were to just write the state off… well, the terrorists would win.

It wasn’t but a year or two ago when a co-worker came to me to ask if it wasn’t true that “Obamacare” required that children be injected with a microchip (“the Mark of the Beast”). 70+ percent of the voters approved a statewide referendum to prohibit ‘Sharia Law’ here. As many people that claim, nationally, their belief that the Hebrew God created the world less than 10,000 years ago, I’d bet that almost twice as many Oklahomans believe the same. If a plurality of my statesmen aren’t home-schoolers that are ‘hooked on phonics’, they wish they had the patience/resources to be.

Oklahoma’s people are largely an ignorant and fearful folk: they fear negroes (especially the President), non-European immigrants, change, secular anything,  books, the commie United Nations, most new ideas and the Big Scary World.  Believe me, I know about Oklahoma. I was born here, grew up here and stayed here.

Believe me: it was not always this FUCKING STUPID A PLACE TO LIVE.   No, the Dark Flame of Ignorance has been carefully tended and stoked to make Oklahoma a Beacon of Idiocy:

  • Governor Mary Frick’n Fallin, the adulterous darling of the Tea Party, has been paid to oppose damned near everything that could make things better for this state while her spoiled brat daughter openly mocks Native Americans
  • Senator James Mountain Inhofe, who has for years been a global laughing-stock over his conspiratorial thinking on human sexuality, climate change and the dang-nabbed 20th Century in general
  • The numb-skull state representative that put a 10 Commandments monument on the grounds of the capitol but couldn’t get the spelling right
  • Another cretin on the state payroll that campaigned against using human fetuses in food products
  • The list goes on and on!

So why am I still living in Oklahoma?

Some amazing things have happened here.
I have fond memories of ‘liquor by the wink’.
Once upon a time, we had the highest per capita membership in the Communist Party in the nation.
Cannabis was once the number one cash crop.
The musicians are amazing here.
The state bird, the scissor-tail flycatcher, is cool.
Gas prices are low.
Maybe I’m too lazy to move and if I did only the Crazies would be left!

Fuck Governor Fallin and all her kind.
Fuck the followers of Oral Roberts and his fellow travellers.
Fuck the Koch Brothers and their veinal scheming.
Fuck all the manipulators of well-meaning Okies! Their hearts are pure, but —

I’m staying here to fill in the blank, the blank that they told me to erase and write something else in (but I won’t!).
I’m staying here to remind them of every time they are so terribly wrong that they pretend like they weren’t.
I’m the fly that stays clear of their patent medicine ointment.
I’m no Tom Joad, but for crying out loud, if people like me left this state, what would be left besides the easily led?
I am an Oklahoman, and I’m  staying here whether they like it or not: I want to rub them the wrong way.

Maybe I’m staying just to annoy the rest of ‘us’… because ‘we’ need to be annoyed.
What they’ve done to us shouldn’t be forgiven or forgotten or excused.
Those bastards did it for money and power and greed, straight up.
I wanna be here to watch the payback, if it ever comes.




Sometimes the Name Says It All

November 13, 2013

Britain has more than it’s share of really bad place and street names.

Last Laugh Department: German media report that Heinrich Mueller, head of the dreaded Gestapo, was buried in a Jewish cemetery in 1945.

Contrary to popular belief, the biggest reason for the rise in U.S. health care spending is not an aging population or patient demand, but rather the increasing price of drugs, procedures and hospital care, a new study finds. Cough-<nationalize the gougers>-cough! 

In other quack medicine news,  a weight-loss ‘dietary supplement’ called OxyElite has been pulled off the shelves after over 50 cases of serious liver damage or acute liver failure among its users.

Show of hands: who is shocked by this? A new study finds that many pills labeled as ‘herbal supplements’ are little more than powdered rice. Americans spend an estimated $5 billion a year on dubious ‘herbal’ preparations.

Stuxnet, the first real 21st Century cyber-weapon, wasn’t content to just muck up Iran’s uranium enrichment centrifuges. It’s infected a Russian nuclear plant, according to Russian anti-virus guru Kaspersky, and there’s not much to prevent it from infecting the International Space Station, what with all those infect thumb-drives floating around. The ISS has already seen infection by the W32.Gammima.AG worm. Is this why NASA is switching to Linux?

Russian performance artist Pyotr Pavlensky nails his scrotum to the ground in Red Square to protest ‘apathy, political indifference and fatalism of Russian society’. Okay, so some Russians make more sense than others.

A culprit has been fingered in the mysterious mass die-offs in the North American elk population. Nope, it’s not Bigfoot.

U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry has voiced his own doubts about the ridiculous conspiracy theory that Lee Harvey Oswald acted as a lone gunman.

Despite being considered extinct for nearly 80 years, an intrepid group of British naturalists from the Centre for Fortean Zoology has set out to find proof that the thylacine (AKA ‘Tasmanian tiger’) is still alive and kicking. 

The oldest big cat fossils ever found  have been unearthed in the Himalayas – from a previously unknown species “similar to a snow leopard”.

Respect The Hamster-Ball of Personal Space: enjoy reading “Dr. Carmella’s Guide to Understanding the Introverted“.

“Tulsa: Where ‘Good Government’ Just Doesn’t Pay!”

T-town is in for another three years of scandal-plagued government with the re-election of Dewey  F. Bartlett yesterday. I’d like to wish him good luck, and his pants a higher ignition temperature, this time around! The good news from last night is that the infrastructure improvement projects all passed, so maybe the ‘street-crater slalom’ will get a little less challenging.

This is one of those elections that left me wishing for a “None of the Above” option on the ballot. More than $4 million was spent on the mayoral campaign, and I found both candidates unworthy. Why should we have to get stuck with lemons like this? Voters should be able to say “Sorry, try again!” and call for a fresh slate of candidates.

Sandia’s Multi-Modal Vehicle concept is just weird enough to love. Look for something like it under your X-mas tree (or circling your compound) in the near future!

Something Slimy This Way Comes

October 31, 2013

Well, there is “fraud”, and then there’s “employer-enabled fraud”. What I saw yesterday looked like the latter type.

I’ve written before about The Management Family’s infatuation with sleazy, scammy MLM schemes. It’s like an addiction with these people. We’ve been internally spammed about everything from real estate to weight loss products, magical rubber bracelets and a “full-body MOLECULAR cleanse!” over the last few years.

So, last week we got this weirdly worded, crudely formatted, all-employee email about a supposed ‘benefit meeting’:

Good Afternoon Everyone,

 Legal Shield Benefit Meeting !!!

We will be having a benefit meeting in the
Lunch Room on October 30, 2013.
We will be having 2 meeting that day
                        11:30 & 12:30.
Lunch will be provided for all that attend the meeting.
There will be a  “FLAT SCREEN T.V. GIVEAWAY”

Everyone that attends the meeting will have a chance to WIN…. The FLAT SCREEN T.V.
We will have the drawing at the end of the 2nd meeting.

If you plan on attending the meeting, I  will be posting a flyer at the time clocks with a sign-up sheet in order to get head count for lunch that day.

      GIVEAWAY !  


                 WIN IT!!  

      WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 30, 2013
                    FREE LUNCH
               11:30AM & 12:30 pm
             NICE “HOLIDAY GIFT” 

And I’m left thinking “Gee, I’ve never been to a legitimate benefit meeting that had to offer free pizza and a door prize drawing before. Do you think it might be a scam?” It was hard not to speculate on some sort of connection between these outside scammers and The Management, given the rosy presentation and history of MLM addiction in The Management Family.

Yep, the scam-artists formerly known as “Pre-Paid Legal” (PPL) are now doing business as “LegalShield™”. Apparently people were starting to get wise to them so they changed their name. I sure can’t fault them for that logic! How are you going to keep fleecing the rubes if you don’t change your name occasionally?

See, I’ve had dealings with PPL in the past. Their crack lawyer failed to handle a simple, bogus, out of statute collection action a few years back, leaving me stuck with a default judgement. I found out about this little back-stab two years later when nothing could be done about it, and when I complained to PPL the answer I got was a simple ‘fuck you’.

Yeah, I know all about these vile ass-clowns.

So, of course I went to the ‘benefit meeting’, and as I listened to The Management put in a good word for the scammer’s product before the pitch-man started his spiel, it made me feel more than a little sick.

Then the pitch-man took the hand-off and started stoking paranoia about how the law was out to get us, and how O.J. only went to jail when he ran out of money, and how LegalShield™ was going to save all our asses! LegalShield™ would make 80% of our traffic tickets magically go away! We could drunk-drive with confidence and be safe from vehicular homicide charges, because they’d handle everything! Child custody and child support worries would be a thing of the past! It was all covered by LegalShield™. Just sign on the dotted line… suckers!

As he was lining up his closing spiel I had to bring up my experience with his firm. Of course his stammered answer was “that could never happen now”. I stood up, expressed my opinion that this was a fraudulent representation for a bogus product/service/company and I walked out of the meeting.

Sure, I looked like the asshole that bad-mouthed the nice man that brought free pizza and a chance to win a TV: so be it. When the victims realize just how far the verbal representations made by the sleazy pitch-man are from what PPL-LegalShield™ membership actually provides they’ll really want to cock-punch that guy; I’ll happily hold him down while they do.

Hats off to Eric, who made a point of asking to see the actual contract… and, wouldn’t you know that the pitch-man didn’t seem to have one with him! ‘HEY TRUST ME, THAT’S ALL AVAILABLE ON-LINE!‘, said the nice man that brought free pizza and gived a chance to win a free TV. What an ethical cockroach! But I know he still snagged at least two victims that didn’t bother to see what they were paying for before signing up, and I fear there may have been more victims that swallowed his deceptive presentation.

Here’s some info on this “legitimate business” at MediaMoogle and ConsumerAffairsI’d take it as a bad sign when such a vast number of complaints about PPL-LegalShield™ are made by their former sales force that got screwed on their commissions and so forth. When they treat their sellers that shitty, just imagine how good being a client must feel (obligatory LOL).

This YouTube user has a few thoughts on the quality of services provided to him by PPL-LegalShield™. His follow up video covers the very disreputable efforts to suppress his negative review of this very disreputable firm. This is pretty much par for the course when dealing with this mob of MLM vermin.

Mr. Cause, meet Mr. Effect

October 16, 2013

The movie we’ve all been waiting for! “Hell No!”, the sensible horror movie.

Right out of “Creepshow“: Russian team recovered a half-tonne chunk of the space rock that exploded over Chelyabinsk earlier this year, but they broke it.

What fact do you accept intellectually, but still feels “wrong” to you? It’s quite a discussion over at Reddit.

A herpes drug can make people with renal failure insist they are dead – a condition called Cotard’s syndrome – and may provide insights into consciousness.

Here’s what the fox really says, Ylvis.

Connecticut College students and a professor of neuroscience have found “America’s favorite cookie” is just as addictive as cocaine – and just like most humans, rats go for the middle first.

Donkey Baseball (which is, as the name implies, baseball played while riding on donkeys) became a popular fad in the 1930s. In 1934, William Beck became the first fatality for the fledgling sport.

How the Bible and YouTube are fueling the next frontier of password cracking.

A drug similar to ketamine has been shown to work as an antidepressant, without the psychosis-like side effects associated with the party drug.

Billionaire businessman Richard Branson last week spoke on CNN against the ‘War on Drugs’, labeling it “an abject failure”Speaking in purely business terms, Branson said that if he “had a company that had failed for 60 years I would have closed it down 59 years ago”.

Q: How many cops does it take to throw a suspect down a flight of stairs? A: None; he tripped. More police-state fun! 

“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” -Mark Twain

Besides the train-wreck the GOP and their fellow travelers are causing, the U.S. really doesn’t have a debt crisis. What we do have is a crazy crisis!

More than half of low-wage workers employed by U.S. fast-food restaurants rely on public assistance to get by, possibly due to laughably low wages.

So, let me get this straight: you voted for werewolves to dismantle the government and now you can’t get any help? SD ranchers demand to know “Where’s that gubbermint we voted against?”. Pardon my shocking lack of sympathy.

Here’s the plotting of the “Putz Putsch” conspirators, caught on video. Shipping all those teabagger pukes to Gitmo is better than they deserve.

Painting a Rosier Picture

October 15, 2013

A study of hand prints on cave walls suggests much of Paleolithic cave art was created by women, a Penn State archaeologist says.

The Ancient Paths: Discovering the Lost Map of Celtic Europe is an enthralling new history that argues that Druids created a sophisticated ancient society to rival the Romans.

Just over a thousand years ago, someone sealed up a chamber in a cave outside the oasis town of Dunhuang, on the edge of the Gobi Desert in western China. The chamber was filled with more than five hundred cubic feet of bundled manuscripts. Discovered in 1900, the manuscripts are now being carefully digitized… because that’s what we do with old manuscripts.

Today viral jokes spread by email, Twitter, or blogs. But in 1910, jokes went viral by telegraph.

A loving look back on the age of airships from The Atlantic.

Is the term “dickhead” more endocentric than exocentricOne linguist’s opinion.

There’s always fun reading at The Poison Review! Take, for instance, “Is that a jellyfish on your leg or are you just glad to see me?  Priapism and Irukandji Syndrome“.

Get ready for the new, improved botulinum H!

Swiss radiation experts have confirmed they found traces of polonium on clothing used by Yasser Arafat which ‘support the possibility’ the veteran Palestinian leader was poisoned.

Not winning! New WaPo/ABC Poll: 74% of Americans Disapprove of GOP Shutdown Craziness.

False equivalence: how ‘balance’ makes the media dangerously dumb. We’ve seen it in climate change reporting; we see it in shutdown coverage.

On letters from climate-change deniers” carefully explains the Los Angeles Times’ decision to not print letters to the editor that dispute global warming: “it’s asserting a factual inaccuracy”.

Aorta-gate! Senator Jim Inhofe falls prey to liberal Hollywood “Theory of Circulation” hoax, gets bypass surgery from Illuminati “doctors”!

Veterans Slam Tea Party Politicians For Hijacking Protest Against War Memorial Closures“. Apparently, failed teabag-rats will even turn on veterans when they need a publicity fix.

Shocking terrorist attack on GOP office! These evildoers will stop at nothing!

Nature Plays Her Little Jokes

October 4, 2013

From the “You Know Nature Hates You When Department”! Absurd Creature of the Week: This Prehistoric Elephant Had a Huge Spork for a Mouth.

Breaking News! Kid Not Getting In Strange Van For Anything Less Than King-Size Bar (TheOnion)

A new ‘shape memory’ metal  is reported in the journal Nature.

Five ways to rob a bank using the internet.

In which Vitriol is put to the Test -or- how perverse is that incentive, anyway? All hail Wondermark!

A neato permaculture site: Permies (Thanks, Terry!) and here’s how to make acorn flour.

A whacko conspiracy site: Presscore. It’s Canadian but completely uncivil! Maybe they want us to think they’re Canadian, hmmmm….

Insights into the Personalities of Conspiracy Theorists: distrust of authority and low agreeableness are among factors underlying the willingness to believe.

Goblinbooks is always a favorite with me. The quote is from Carpenter’s Halloween, in case you didn’t recognize it, and the face is from under some mossy rock I guess.. Scary!

Tomorrow is the dream we build today

September 26, 2013

Shooting has begun on Disney’s upcoming movie Tomorrowland. Will it be about Tesla? The Oatmeal investigates… and really whets my appetite.

Shades of Tesla and VALIS: the legendary “Black Knight” satellite continues to intrigue. Here’s a slightly more conventional examination.

Another day, another Atlantis pyramid found. This time it’s 40 meters underwater off the coast of Terceira Island in the Azores.

Like a snake eating it’s own tail.” With the 50th anniversary of the assassination of President John F. Kennedy less than two months away, the Smithsonian Magazine has published an article on the iconic ‘Zapruder film’ that ignited a virtual conspiracy industry.

Neal Stephenson (author of “Snow Crash”, et al) is developing a concept for a 20-kilometer tall skyscraper that could be used to launch rockets into space. Wind loading makes this a little tricky.

Is there life beyond the isoelectric line? What if inside the brain of a person who had already flat lined, there was still something going on—some murmur of electrical signals? Could the person still be considered brain dead?

‘Alien Jesus’: The Pre-Modern History of Outer Space. Giordano Bruno, a renegade sixteenth-century monk from the Kingdom of Naples, argued that God must be “glorified not in one, but in countless suns; not in a single earth, a single world, but in a thousand thousand, indeed in an infinity of worlds.”

Stand your telepathic ground! Meloney Selleneit, 55, of Centerville UT pleaded guilty but mentally ill last week after convincing her (non-Mensa member) husband  to shoot the neighbor she said had “telepathically raped” her. Rumors of her being a possible running-mate for Sen. Ted Cruz in 2016 are circulating.

Why is the GOP so dedicated to the NO FUTURE!” politics of keeping Americans sick and hungry? Are they members of some kind of secret underground society or something?

Socialist tyranny! An appellate court broke some villainous hearts when it ruled that Onwentsia Club in Lake Forest really did have to pay property taxes on its pool, tennis courts and horse stable.

Let’s take it a step further and end the tax-free status of country clubs.

Koch-backed conservatives go pro-cervical cancer, and just couldn’t be any creepier if they they tried! You know it’s evil if the Kochs are backing it.

Electric spiders and H-bomb duds

September 24, 2013

We almost lost North Carolina in 1961. Good thing the Mark 39 Mod 2 H-bombs that got dropped were more unreliable than they were unsafe.

Over 150 Americans die each year on average after accidentally taking too much acetaminophen. Good thing they put it in everything.

Do I behead them and drink their blood… or just do some household chores? How the voices in our heads reflect cultural influences.

Just what we need, electric spiders. Do arachnids dream of electric flight?

While you wait for the Navy Yard shooting “Truther” kooks to erupt (it’s only a matter of time), try this quick read: CONSPIRACY THEORIES, MAGICAL THINKING, AND THE PARANOID STYLE(S) OF MASS OPINION.

There’s a simple reason why supply-side economics doesn’t work — and the data confirm it.

The wild story of the short-notice, three-hour viewing period for a national-security document on the August Friday that summer recess started. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying ‘Beware of the Leopard’.

Wanna See Me Eat Some Paste?” By Sen. Ted Cruz.

The evolution of bald men:

An Animalistic Friday

September 20, 2013

Good kitty! That is Hercules, a ‘liger’ and the world’s largest feline. His mama was a tiger, his daddy a lion. Kinky!

Meet the Maleo, the only bird that can fly the moment it hatches.

The pangolin is the strangest creature you didn’t know was endangered. Why would anyone imagine they even exist?

Some friends of mine captured two copperheads copulating. (Warning: brief NSFW language, and it turns into snake snuff porn at the very end).

Dogs are perfectly happy to interact with robots if they look human. It’s all good if there’s a crotch to snuffle inappropriately!

The strange plot for the Elites to take over the world: The strange story of Atlantica! Did their sinister plan succeed?

“You’re in for WHAT?!” An Australian man has been indicted for a mobile home burglary that netted him an assortment of dwarf porn.

Better than “Sunset Pines”, Granny? Take a look inside the “witch camps” of Ghana.

Invasion of the Algae from Space! Much ado about bad science and even worse reporting thereof.

“Oklahoma – where tall, blond Nordic aliens abduct students by the lake?” Maybe, but maybe not.

Think your cosplay outfit is da bomb? Get a load of these: Creative Costumes of Still-Practiced Pagan Rituals of Europe (19 pics)!

Your politics is broken: Sens. Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio and Rand Paul don’t really hate Amurrica, they just have to grandstand to get attention (and raise funds) because their “base” is as dumb as a certain stump!

Behold the glory of Goat Week

September 17, 2013

You didn’t miss it this year: GOAT WEEK is finally here! It’s like Shark Week only safer but… beware the Maryland Goatman!

Kitchen Time Machine: A Culinary Romp Through Soviet History. Very good interview about memory, food and the struggle of the urban proletariat!

Though the scientific conclusions of the study remain valid, Tufts University announced on Tuesday that one of its researchers broke ethical rules while carrying out a study of genetically modified “Golden Rice” in China.

Excerpts from The Mad Scientist’s Handbook: The Human Recipe.

“Will it fly?”: yet another skeptical overview of the F-35 Joint Strike Fighter program. ‘Build a plane, fly a plane, find a flaw, design a fix, retrofit the plane, rinse, repeat’.

So size does matter! Research suggests perception of time is linked to size, explaining why insects find it easy to avoid being smooshed.

Traditional aboriginal interpretations of the Aurora Australis: the Sky Deity’s anger or the campfires in the Land of the Dead?

Deny them your Essence!! Conservative noise chamber declares ‘water’ a commie plot.

Crazy Caucus gives ‘Science Laureate’ notion the kibosh because Science is their enemy!

Wait, book-learning ain’t nuthin’ to fear! Science confirms: Politics wrecks your ability to do math.

Annual Pre-Samhain freakout!